Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
