My first STD was from a foam party
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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