I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again