so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.