I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.