I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
