ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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