i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
