You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
