Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
