I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
