I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
