SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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