well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
