According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
