Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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