I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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