Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
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