There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
