I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
