he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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