I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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