Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
