this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
