We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
