Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I am midnight drunk by noon
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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