You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
