While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Will exercising make me less horny?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
