nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
These tits shall not be calmed
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
