smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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