planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
