Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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