i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
