I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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