I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
