Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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