if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
