Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
