I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
In other news, I just burned my penis
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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