whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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