right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
