On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
