Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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