make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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