she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
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