i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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