So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
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my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
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I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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