Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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