Pappa wants mamma naked
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
