the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
