I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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