Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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