either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
