not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
