mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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