Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
