I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
