Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
