Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
