I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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