Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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