i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
