you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
