your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
