Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
