I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
