What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
And then my night got REAL pukey
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
