Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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