i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
