Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
