so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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