she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
