if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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