If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
