fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
