I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
