redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Someone came in the potted fern
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
