I'm lost and stupid without you.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
